Although his parents do not identify as Christian, my baby likes The Brick Testament very much. “I guess thats why some grown-ups don’t want to let gay and lesbian people get married”, my baby mused. “In the Old Testament it was punishable by death!” “But doesn’t Leviticus 20-27 say that we should put to death any man or woman among you who is a necromancer or magician? Stone them with stones?”, my baby continued. “Not all Christians think you should take the Old Testament literally, baby”, I offered. “Thank goodness! So if Christians can see David Copperfield in Las Vegas, gay and lesbian people can get married to the person they love!”, my baby exclaimed happily.

1. Some of his best friends are babies of color.
2. His nanny is from the Philippines.
3. He just doesn’t “see” color - not like you. Maybe you’re the racist.
4. He’s volunteered overseas with Babies Without Borders.
5. What about age discrimination? Has there been a baby president? A baby speaker of the house? A baby secretary of state? He doesn’t think so

This guy was super into me but my boyfriend drove a Volvo, so he seemed like the better bet.  I stayed friends with the guy though because he was nice and had a good body, but I felt bad for him because he was so heartbroken.

So then my boyfriend and I got married and had a baby, who was average in most respects, but unique in one important way: it turned out that my baby was the guy’s soulmate!!  

File this one under: All’s Well That Ends Well!

So he gave the Sudetenland to the baby next door.

“That baby needs space to live,” my baby calmly explained to me.

The baby next door confided to me, “if that silly little baby comes interfering here again with his umbrella, I’ll kick him downstairs and jump on him in front of the photographers.”

…

History will look unfavourably upon my baby. but not as unfavourably as upon the baby next door.

• Give you up
• Let you down
• Run around
• Desert you
• Make you cry
• Say goodbye
• Tell a lie
• Hurt you

My baby, wearing his smoking jacket, wrapped in a newspaper.